November 30, 2020.
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Major General Muhammadu Buhari (Rtd),
President and Commander-in-Chief,
Federal Republic of Nigeria,
Aso Rock Villa,
Abuja.
LIST OF APPLICATIONS FOR REGULARISATION OF AREA COUNCIL LAND DOCUMENTS NULLIFIED/CANCELLED BY THE HONOURABLE MINISTER OF FCT
Your Excellency Sir,
LIST OF APPLICATIONS FOR REGULARISATION OF AREA COUNCIL LAND DOCUMENTS NULLIFIED/CANCELLED BY THE HONOURABLE MINISTER OF FCT
APPLICATION FOR MILITARY CLEARANCE
Good afternoon Mr President sir. Hope this my letter, seeking clearance meets you on the dining table, drinking kunu and fura or in the Oza Room doing zoki with Aisha.
I read online today, that your very hardworking Spokesman, Garba Shehu blamed those Borno farmers that were slaughtered like goats by Boko Haram terrorists for the misfortune that befell them.
Garba Shehu said the farmers did not obtain clearance from the military before going to their rice farms, and for that, they deserved to die.
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In view of this and because I don’t also want to be beheaded like those farmers and be blamed for causing your govt embarrassment, I write to seek clearance to do the followings next month:
1. Use the toilets in my house.
2. Use bathroom.
3. Use the kitchen.
4. Open my fridge.
5. Sleep on my bed.
6. Watch TV, especially CNN.
7. Go out of my room to the sitting room.
8. Drink beer, whiskey and brandy.
9. Drive my car in Abuja and Lagos.
10. Go to the airport in Abuja and Lagos.
11. Drive from Lagos to Ado Ekiti.
12. Drive within Ado Ekiti.
13. Drive from Ado Ekiti to Okemesi Ekiti.
14. Drink palmwine and eat bush meat.
Most importantly, visit the Irunmales of Oke Agbonna in Okemesi Ekiti and hold meetings with them.
Thanking you in anticipation of your kind approval Sir.
And kindly greet Sister Aisha for me. Tell her that we are missing her occasional wailing. We have not heard from her since she started enjoying the Oza Room and tell her that she should not bother us with her noise next time her personal enjoyment in the Oza Room is threatened.
Our amiable and performing president, may you rule Nigeria till you join your ancestors and when that happens (probably after 2090), the presidency should be handed to your Okada Rider Son, Yusuf.
Yours truly,
Lere Olayinka (Aresa 1)
1, Irunmale Avenue,
Agbonna Hill-Top,
Okemesi Ekiti.
